In the age of information texting has become the preferred method of conversation. It’s become a great way to skip all the small talk and get to the point. These types of conversations are easy to start and just as easy to end. However, when it comes to arguing with someone through text messages it can be difficult and frustrating. This is especially true if it is with a loved one or hated enemy.
This is why I have devised the following 5 rules everyone should follow when they are having an argument with someone else through text. This simple guideline should help you win any argument and bring the art of debate to your fingertips. Please remember I said help. Rules and guidelines can only help so much, if your argument is retarded that’s on you.
Worst Arguer. Ever.
Rule 1: Emoji Suicide
The simple fact is that emojis won’t help you prove a point, so don’t use them. You ever try winking at someone during a face to face argument? Yeah, it doesn’t work too great does it. Same goes for texting. During a heated exchange you may make points that the other person will strongly disagree with and piss them off. The last thing they want to see is a fucking winky face. Winning an argument is about making the other person change their view or bow to your power and knowledge, not break their phone like the Hulk grabbing hold of Loki.
The only time an emoji should ever be used is if it is after the closing point. That is the only time an emoji will be beneficial or effective to you and your argument. Otherwise you will come off looking immature, or even worse that you are not invested in the argument.
Your argument is invalid.
Rule 2: Use Proper Grammar
I can’t stress this enough. You ever try having an argument with someone that is speaking like they learned to talk just by listening to Nicki Minaj albums or watching reruns of The Jersey Shore? People that cannot articulate their words and sentences automatically sound like dipshits to most people with half a brain. No one likes arguing with stupid, because smart people know that is an argument you can never win.
The same goes for text messages. Using slang or abbreviated expressions is fine during normal conversational text. However, when you are trying to prove a point that requires you to explain something to someone else you will lose credibility immediately.
It is not just the slang I am talking about either. If you don’t know the difference between “you’re” and “your” yet, please save us all the trouble and throw your phone away. Better yet, after all the jokes that have been done on that subject online still hasn’t sunk in go ahead and throw away any device that gives you an internet connection, and please stop reading this blog. The last thing I need to do is give idiots more firepower to blast our brain cells with.
We’ve all been there…
Rule 3: Take your Time
This isn’t a face to face fight where the quicker wit has an advantage. This can be a drawn out argument that takes place over a few hours or even days. Texting is great because we can always text back at our leisure because more than likely we are involved doing other things like working or raising ungrateful children. We really have no idea what the other person is doing at the exact moment you text them, remember that next time you stare at your phone waiting for a response.
Texting is also great for people that love to put their foot in their mouth. Rather than just blurting out the first thing that comes to mind you can take your time in giving a response. Think about what you are saying or try reading it out loud before you hit send. Everyone has those moments after an argument where you curse yourself because you could have said something so much better. During a text there is nothing wrong with editing it a few times if it means you have a greater chance of sticking it to them good.
Well, the jerk store called, and they’re running out of you!
Rule 4: Don’t Drink and Text
This rule is the most obvious, but unfortunately the only people who never follow this rule are people who don’t drink, do drugs, or have sex. Which leaves everyone out except toddlers and infants. Although in this day and age who knows. Either way it’s a very hard rule to follow because losing your inhibitions is a real bitch when you have access to text messaging. No one can smell your breath or see how sloppy you are, and it doesn’t help that your argumentative side gets enlarged three sizes like the Grinch’s heart.
The best advice I can give you to help you follow this rule is just to learn to turn your phone off when you get blackout drunk. Best case scenario is you are one of those idiots that lose their phones every time you get drunk. You know that is you if you have more insurance on your cell phone than your car.
Available on the iPhone Never.
Rule 5: Never Send the Last Text
This is the most important rule of all and should be obeyed at all costs. It is more important than all the other rules before it, and will help you win arguments even if you are wrong. It will also save you many a sleepless night and give you all the power if followed.
Once again, this isn’t a face to face conversation or a phone call where someone always has to get the last word. When it comes to texting it is the exact opposite. The last thing you ever want to do is send a text that never gets replied to. Try to stay away from asking questions that people will not want to answer, but rather try to make statements. No one is going to incriminate themselves during an argument, always remember that. Words can be forgotten, but texts can be saved FOREVER!
Having the power in any argument or fight is very important. You can easily turn the tables on someone if you control the flow of the conversation. This is true in person, on the phone, and through texts.
Lastly, always remember to save an ace up your sleeve for just this moment. The coup de gras of any argument should be your strongest point. It is also what will leave a lasting impression on the other person and when they try in vain to write you back, and you don’t answer, you know the battle is yours.
The only proper way to use a last word text.